the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
