Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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