So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
