I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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