I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
