he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
