You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
