and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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