I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
