GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
