I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Let's paint friendship bongs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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