More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
