I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The adults are the big ones right?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
