It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
