I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
