why didn't you poke me back
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
