I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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