I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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