Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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