Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
