i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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