we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
