he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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