I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
