so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
