does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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