she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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