After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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