youre lurking in front of me
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
bring money and cleavage
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
