youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
