Already got asked if we're dating
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
