Got a toothbrush?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
