This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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