Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
