i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
