she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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