New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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