YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
