I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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