a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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