Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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