I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
