he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
