I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize