he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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