She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
