You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
