He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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