Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
