So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
