No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
