this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it because I queefed?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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