Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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