your room smells of hookers.
And success
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
