Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
