Umm I'm too high to move.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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