help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
