God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
