I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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