Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
