If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
