She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
