God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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