I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's always time for handjobs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
