So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
