just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
