U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
