you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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