We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
