Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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