is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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