C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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