Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
