He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
