I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
