R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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