i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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