apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
